Stage Three-Bisphosphonate

I did not know there was going to be a friggin’ Stage Three!!!!!!!!!!!! I still have one more chemo treatment, next Friday, Oct 3rd. After that I will get a 3 1/2 week rest and then meet with my oncologist and radiologist to discuss my Radiation Therapy. At that time I will learn more about “Stage Three”.
I just picked up the information packet and consent form that explains Stage Three. This is all about a Study they are doing for patients who take bisphosphonates after chemo. The study is optional, I don’t have to do it, but I don’t know what my other choices are yet. I have plenty of time to consider doing this study or not, it just has to be started within 8 weeks of completing chemo. The drug is either given by IV or in pill form. I don’t get to choose the method though, the study group chooses that for me. Here is what the info sheet says about

“Why is this study being done?” “This study is investigational and is being done to find out if adding a drug (a bisphosphonate) to hormonal therapy or chemotherapy will help prevent cancer from spreading to the bones or other parts of the body. “Bisphosphonates are a group of drugs that have strong effects on the bones and have been shown to strengthen the bones in many patients who take them.”

Well, all of this sounded ok until I got the part about “side effects”!! There are different possible side effects depending on if you get this through an IV or take it in pill form. The possible side effects from the IV method sound a whole lot like the possible side effects from chemo.

I am really struggling with some of the side effects I’ve had from the chemo. My biggest complaints are fatigue, which is becoming extreme and body/muscle aches, which are getting worse. I think I actually have a form of myalgias, that is a less common side effect of one of the chemo drugs I am taking.

SO, the thought of MORE side effects does not thrill me at all. And here is the kicker . . . . this drug is taken for 3, yes that’s 3 years!!!!

I’m attaching a pictures that is a close up of a rose. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to climb in, curl up, and have all life’s problems disappear!!

Keep Smilin’
Big Hugs,
Wendy

Always something NEW and not always good!!

Yesterday was BAD!! For the first time in all of this I got nauseous and threw up!! I woke up, sat up and had an incredible headache. Within a couple of minutes I was heading to the bathroom feeling like I was going to get sick. Well, I did. there was not much there, mostly dry heaves but it was not fun. I was freaking out a little bit, first time to experience this. I was feeling awful but my head was killing me so I took 1 ibuprofen and 1 anti nausea pill and hoped I wouldn’t end up throwing them up. I went back to bed and laid their for while. About an hour later I was RUNNING for the toilet again!! Oh man, I thought after all this time that this was just crazy!! Also for the last couple of days my ankles and feet have been swelling up. Also the bone pain from the neulasta shot was throbbing in my pelvic area!!! I was supposed to go to town and get blood test done but I was not feeling like I could make it. I called and left a message for the nurse to call me. Rick came home and I gave him a hug and just started crying. I’m really not liking this crap. He said he’d take me town later, if I needed to go get the blood work done. The nurse called and we talked for a bit. She said it was day 9 and my white blood cell count should be at it’s lowest so it would be really good to get the test done if at all possible. It would give them something to work with in case I got any worse feeling. She said to keep track of my temp and if it goes up to call the doctor!! Well, I’m glad to say that I did not get nauseous for the rest of the day Today I woke up about 5:30am. I had coffee with Rick and then I went back to bed about 6:30-7am. Next thing I know Rick is in the bedroom checking on me. I finally woke up enough to look at the clock and it was 4pm!!!!!! Oh my goodness, I still can’t believe I slept that long and especially since I still feel exhausted. My whole body is sore and kind of tingles. My back hurts, my eyes want to keep closing, I’m weak and I’m also sick and tired of feeling like this!!!!!!

Even though I’m not feeling nauseau any more I am taking my anti nauseaus pills, just to make sure!!

My neighbor lady came over the other day and brought me some roses, a cake and some tomatoes she had grow. People can be so very nice and I thank them dearly!! A couple days later I took the roses outside and took some pictures of them and took some more of my flowers too. So I have some new flower pics to share with you. I hope you enjoy them.

Keep Smilin’
Wendy

This is a card I’m giving to the neighbor, featuring the roses she gave me.

This is a Bachelor Button with a water color effect

This is a poppy with a rough pastel effect

Sept 12, 2008 day after 5th chemo

Hello everyone,
The set of 3 shots did their job and my white blood cell counts were up where they were supposed to be, so I was able to go ahead with my chemo treatment yesterday.

I had my 5th of 6 chemo treatments yesterday. It was a long day, but all went well. I’m really glad I only have one more of these treatments left. I wanted to ask the doctor how many people ever decide mid way through chemo to not finish it? It just gets tougher as you go and I’m sure there are people out there that just say “no more”. I know I had a hard time sitting in that chair for 3 1/2 hours yesterday just waiting for the poisonous chemicals to get from the plastic bags into my veins!! I will be getting the normal Nulasta shot this time, but waiting till Monday to get it to see if it lessens the bone pain any by getting it a few days later.

I watched a little T.V., but had to turn it off because I was watching a movie on Lifetime Movie Network . . . not advisable if you are going through any sort of emotional times in your life!! I had to turn it off before the end of the movie because I didn’t want to start crying in the chemo room. I had a good lunch . . . it’s great to be there at lunch time, they have good sandwiches and fruit and cookies. The nurses and the volunteers are just wonderful people!!

There was a lady that is a volunteer there and she came to me and brought me an afghan that she had crocheted. It is beautiful and the pattern is called Indian Tears, which I just love. She is part of a group, who’s name I can’t remember, but they make hats for all the newborn babies at the hospital and they also make these afghans and hats for the chemo patients. She later brought around some crocheted hats and let me choose one to keep.

I’m going to have to think of something special to do for all the people that work in the chemo room. I’ve seen other patients bring in flowers and food and that sort of thing. Maybe I can give them a framed copy of my Life Poem . . . . I know the ladies in the imaging department loved that when I gave it to them and it’s something that they can hang up for everyone to see and hopefully gain some hope and peace from.

I’m also realizing that it’s not going be as simple as getting through chemo and then getting through radiation and then it miraculously being over. This is something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. They don’t tell you everything all at once, which is a good thing I suppose. It would be way to overwhelming to hear it all in the beginning when you are so new to finding out you have breast cancer. Although the chemo is to kill the cancer, like most things, it has side effects, but what I didn’t realize was that some of the side effects can last much longer after the treatment is over.

Once chemo is over I’ll get about a 3 1/2 week rest and then I will see my oncologist again and also see my radiation doctor. My oncologist mentioned a drug trial that he wants me to think about doing. The chemo zaps your body of a lot of things and I guess bone density is one of them. I may get some of this wrong so please don’t quote me. I’ll go over more with my doctor in a future visit. They’ve been using a drug that helps to build back up the bones and it’s been doing very well. They’ve done most of the test by giving the drug through an IV and now they are testing it in a pill form. I’m sure I will do this test as the results have been very good. This drug I will have to take for 3-1/2 years.

I know there is still so much more to all of this than I am aware of right now. When I am done with all the chemo, radiation, etc., etc., and even if all the cancer is dead and gone, I know I’ll have to go get blood test done regularly to check for cancer.

When I start radiation I will have to go to town to the cancer center every day Monday through Friday for 6 weeks. The side effects of radiation, like chemo, can be different for everyone. I have heard several people say that radiation kicked their butt worse than chemo when it came to fatigue. I also saw a gal who is much worse than me and her treatment is much more aggressive, she was at the cancer support group and she showed us the burns (sores) on her skin from the radiation and boy did it look like they hurt!!! Another lady who’s treatment was not as aggressive didn’t have any burns from her radiation. My treatment won’t be that aggressive, so I’ll think positive about the side effects.

Well, it’s getting late so I’ll try to get some sleep. I hope you are all doing well.

Keep Smilin’
Hugs,
Wendy

Wednesday, Sept 3rd

Hi Everyone,

This last week has been a busy one, so I haven’t really had time to write. Several things that I want to mention. First, I want to clarify, in case there was a misunderstanding with the way I worded it. When I got my MRI results back and said there was no cancer, I should have said, No Additional Cancer. The MRI was for my lower back where I’ve been having some pain and the doctor wanted to make sure the cancer had not spread to that area. The good new was that it had NOT spread. But what is causing my back pain is that I have degenerative disc disease. I saw my primary doctor today and she went over the MRI results with me. Of course the wording is kind of greek to me, but there are a few problems with my lower back. My doctor is sending the report to a back specialist to see if there is something that needs to be done at this time or in the near future. So, the bottom line is that she read me the report and we know what it says, but we really don’t know what it means!! I will let you all know more as soon as I hear anything.

OK, now for the cancer stuff. I believe I mentioned that I did not get the nulasta shot after my last chemo treatment. The nulasta shot causes my body to produce more white blood cells, since the chemo zaps them and this is not good. The shot was causing me a lot of pain and my white blood count had been very, very good so the doctor thought we’d try it without the shot and see what happens. Because I didn’t have the shot I had to go in for blood test on day 9 after chemo to check these white blood cell counts. Well that was last Friday and I didn’t hear anything so I figured all was OK. Well, they called me today and said that my white blood cell count was very low on Friday and they wanted me re-tested today to see if it’s improved or not. I got a call this afternoon and NO, they have not improved, they are still very low. So I had to go back in and get a shot. Although it causes my body to produce more white blood cells, it is different than the Nulasta shot that I did not get. AND I have to have 3 of these shots, 1 each day for 3 days!!! I think next time I’ll just get the nulasta shot!!

I do hope the shots work because if my counts are down they will not do my next chemo treatment, which just prolongs everything. Also, if it gets too bad and doesn’t improve, they could do a blood transfusion. I will of course keep you posted as things happen.

As I mentioned above, this has been a busy week. Last Sunday, Aug. 31st was my nieces and step-son’s birthday. My sister put together a joint birthday party at her house. The theme was Super Hero’s and some folks dressed up. It turned out really nice and everyone had a BLAST!! Donna, thank you again for doing all of that!!!!! Then on Tuesday school started, so we spent the last week getting the kids ready for that. The first couple of days have gone well for both of them!!

Here are a couple of pictures of 2 different rose’s at my mom’s house. They are so pretty. I don’t have roses in my yard yet, but next year I will plant some.

Keep Smilin’

Hugs,

Wendy

Monday, Day 5 after 4th chemo

I heard from the doctor late on Friday about my MRI. The good news is that they did NOT find any cancer or anything like that. The bad news is that I have Disc Disease and need to see my regular doctor for that. That’s all I know right now until I see my other doctor . . . oh the joys!!!!!

I’m not feeling to good today, so I won’t be writing much. I did want to share some photos I took on Saturday while I was out messing around in my yard . . . . before I started feeling like crapola!!

4 down, 2 to go

I had my 4th chemo treatment yesterday. It was a very long day. I got to the cancer center at 11am for blood work, then a visit with the doctor, who was running very late, so chemo ran late and then I had to get an MRI done on my lower back. I didn’t get home until 7pm!!

One thing the doc is doing different this time is he’s not having me take the Nulasta Shot like usual. My white blood counts have been really good and he wants to see if it makes a difference in the bone pain I’ve been having after each treament. So hopefully I won’t be in bed for 3 days feeling like total crud like before. But I will really have to monitor my temperature and see the doctor in the next week or so to have blood test to make sure my white blood count doesn’t drop too much since I’m not getting the shot.

I am pretty pooped today. The effects of the chemo do get stronger with each treatment and seem to hit sooner each time. By last night my coffee was already tasting like crap!!

I talked to a lady in the waiting room yesterday. She was really nice and we started talking about the hair loss stuff. She is done with chemo and her hair has grown back, etc. I still have my eyebrows which is a really cool thing because people look really weird without eyebrows!! But I started out with really thick eyebrows and although they are still there, they are thinner. This lady told me yesterday that she had her eyebrows up until her 6th and last chemo treatment and then they fell out!!! GREAT!! Oh well, I’ll just try to be happy that I don’t have to shave my pits or legs for a while.

My chemo brain must be kicking in because I just went back and corrected about 10 typos in the above stuff and that’s just not like me. So if something sounds weird because I typed it wrong or left out a word, please try to understand!!

Ok, time for a nap, or least I hope so. I’m finding out that steroids I’m taking not only make it hard for me to sleep sometimes, they are also the cause or possible cause of many other not so fun symptoms I am having. BUT, I’m not having a problem with nausea and vomiting which are my 2 least favorite things in the world, so they are working in that respect,so I’ll try again not to complain too much. To clarify, if needed, the steroids are in the anti-nausea drugs that I take.

Keeping a positive attitude, like most other things is getting harder with each chemo treatment. But, I’m hanging in there and trying my best to keep my head up and remind myself that this is only temporary, this is only temporary!! Oh yeah, I talked to the nurse about the increadibly emotional days I’ve been having after chemo and she said that can also be caused by the STEROIDS!!! It’s good to know that I’m not just going nuts, there is a reason for it, which helps just a little bit. But dang it’s hard to get through those days, emotions can be so overwhelming, as well as very draining!!

OK, I’m going to hit the bed now and try to get some rest. I hope you are all doing well and that you are able to fully enjoy the upcoming weekend. This will be the first year in many that I won’t be attending our local county fair . . . that’s kind of hard for me to even think about, as it’s been a pretty big part of my photography and life for the last few years. Oh well, who knows, maybe I’ll get a burst of energy and head over there for a little bit . . . . . there is always wishful thinking!!

Keep Smilin’

Hugs,

Wendy

Rough Day Today

I’m getting to where I am really not liking this at ALL. I know it’s temporary and it’s for the best and it will be over at some point, but right now I’m not liking it!! I’ve been feeling OK, but last night my back/pelvic/hips area started aching so bad I could not get comfortable and it took for ever to get to sleep!! Today I was very exhausted and my back was killing me. It doesn’t hurt if I do anything particular, it just hurts constantly. A deep, ache that also goes down the back of my legs.

Anyway, I called the doctor and he gave me some pain pills and a muscle relaxer that I need insurance approval for, so it will be a couple days before I get that. Thank goodness the pain pills are working!!!!!! My back feels so much better and I hope I’ll sleep tonight and be able to function somewhat tomorrow!!

The doctor doesn’t just want to treat the pain I’m having but he wants to try and find out what is causing it. The scheduling lady is supposed to call me to set up an appointment for an MRI to check things out.

I am feeling a bit useless these days as I’m not able to accomplish much and at the same time I have very little ambition. I’m bored but lack the energy and/or desire to do much. It’s a viscous cycle!!

Here is another photo or two that I will leave you with.

Keep Smilin’

Hugs,

Wendy

Quick notes & pictures

Hello everyone,

Well, not a whole lot going on so far this week. I’ve been feeling ok . . . . not great, but not too bad either, so it’s been nice.

I did not sleep last night and it was about 6am before I went back to bed and finally got some sleep. But I’m not sure if it was enough because now I feel like I need a nap and I’ve only been up for a couple hours.

Our county fair starts next week. I’ve been the photographer for that for the last couple of years and just about live at the fairgrounds for 5 days. But of course I won’t be doing that this year. BUT, the Friday of the fair there is a rodeo and it’s Tough Enough to Wear Pink day. They will have breast cancer survivors riding in a wagon pulled by draft horses with Smokey the Bear and I have been asked if I would like to ride in the wagon!! I have chemo on Thursday, the day before, so I think I would be able to do this since I don’t usually start feeling bad for a couple of days, so I think this could be really fun.

Since I was up early this morning, cuz’ I never went to sleep, I went out and there was another deer under the apple tree. I was able to get my camera a take some photos. Although these images look like it was pretty light out, it was still a little dark and I was shoot over a 6ft chain link fence. Because of a little camera shake I got the below image which I think looks like an artsy painting and I totally LOVE it. I think you can click on it for a larger view.

While taking pics of the deer Spooky and Cowboy had to come over and visit me at the fence. Then they started scratching each other!!

Made it through another week!!

Well, it’s very late Thursday or actually very early Friday morning . . . about 1AM. I’m having trouble sleeping again and have to wonder if its because for 3-4 days after chemo that’s about all I did . . . I slept more than ever before.

This last week has been a lot like the others after chemo. The body aches kick in and I don’t do much but rest and/or sleep . . . like I said above . . . . I slept a lot this time. My mouth got bad again, so I took the lozenges . . . but they haven’t seemed to help as much as before. I also got a yeast infection this time and I have another small but painful cyst on my pantie line area!!

My mom came over yesterday and she gave me the most wonderful foot rub . . . .Thank you mom!!!

I did sleep in this morning but no nap today. I spent hours cleaning my office which was a major undertaking!! I’ve also been really busy making changes to my other website . . . http://www.theequinespirit.com/ Please check it out And think about it when it’s time to start shopping for Christmas . .or someones birthday . . . . or anniversary . . . or if you just want a little something special for yourself. 10% of all proceeds from sales on that site will be donated to breast cancer research!!

Wednesday morning I was up really early . . . after it got light out I went outside for a minute. I looked and there was a deer in with my horses. I stood real still and just watched it for a while. It went through the fence to an apple tree that is close by and I watched as this deer kept getting up on his hind legs and taking apples from the tree!! I just couldn’t stand it anymore so I went inside to get my camera . . . . well when I got back out there the deer was gone!!!! Since I had my camera and wanted to wait a bit in case the deer came back, I took some pictures of my flowers. Here are a couple that I think look really pretty and wanted to share them with you all.
Keep Smilin’
Hugs,
Wendy

Chemo Sucks . . . yep, I said it!!

Well, it’s definitely getting worse as time goes on. I had chemo 2 days ago, yesterday I got the nulasta shot, by yesterday afternoon I was in bed feeling pretty rough. I got up for dinner . . . wasn’t hungry, but knew I had to eat something. Went back to bed and tried to rest. Before I knew it the emotions hit. First it starts with my brain going over every stressful, awful, emotional thing that has ever happened to me, well maybe not every thing . . that would put me over the edge for sure. So far I’m just close to the edge!!! Everything from feeling sorry for myself to being really pissed off!!! It’s amazing how much tears and snot the body can produce!!! Where does it all come from?!?!?!?

No need to worry, I’m better today, but wanted to share some of this.

Last night the hot flashes and cold sweats hit really hard. It was so hard to get comfortable, hot and sweaty one minute, freezing the next. It’s hard when all you want to do is go to SLEEP!!!

I can’t imagine being any less of a strong and positive person and being able to get through these tough times.

I want to write more but there are so many thoughts and emotions going through my head, that as I type it, it doesn’t make sense or sound right.

—————————————————————————————–

It is now almost 8pm, I’ve been able to get some rest today, but it’s been rough. The emotions hit me again really hard this afternoon. . . . wow, the body is an amazing and powerful force!!

Don’t ever let anyone tell you this chemo stuff isn’t too bad. I know they’ve come a million miles in the treatment and I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to go through this 15, 10 or even 5 years ago, but let me tell you it’s still no walk in the park. It effects every aspect of your life and the lives of your family. And I know I have it much better than some, so I try not to complain too much, but I’ve got to get it out of my system and then I can be thankful for everything else.

OK, the chemo brain is kicking in and I’m loosing focus, so I better call it a night. Plus I don’t want to say too much while I’m so emotional and feeling like crap . . . oh yeah, the nulasta shot has kicked in so now I have the body aches too.

But again, I’m not having a whole lot of other possible side effects, so I have to be and am very thankful for that . . . . very Thankful!!!! I’m so blessed in so many ways and I have to remember that and things could always be worse. And this to shall pass . . . . and this too shall pass.

I’m sorry if I don’t make sense sometimes, I hope you will all try to understand. I thank you all so much for reading my blog and for your support!!!!

Keep Smilin’
Hugs,
Wendy